A Deep Talk

i used to have a best friend.

suddenly,

this was my perception. 

bcos i dont know her anymore.

i mean, i have no chances to get closed to her.

maybe, i am nobody to her.

the awkward silences. the avoiding trial. the unanswered messages.

we still talk like every day, but we don't talk in the same way that we used to. 

idk why.

but,

suddenly she called.

memang rasa meremang nampak nama dia naik.

we had a deep talk.

lama. almost 4h.

finally, 

after all these while. 

two years.

now only i know the reasons, factors we become strangers.

which when i want to recall, i dont remember at all.

haha, cakap banyak. tapi ntah. macam still tak brp paham.

tapi yg pasti, it isn't related to any guy matter (so i am totally wrong).

haha, it is about friends. 

rasa macam pelik.

even kmi masing masing dh taw reason masing masing,

actually taw dari before deep talk ni (instag, twitter, facebook, blog)

ni tambah pulak deep talk, directly, personally.

tapi still rasa mcm something wrong somewhere. 

macam ada things unfixed yet.

aku,

still awkward.

takut nak tanya private story.

sebab rasa not belong 

aku sedar,

kadang kadang she tried,

macam "nak rasa sikit carrot susu"

and my response was krik krik. 

sebab bnda macam tu susah nak dipanjangkan.

takkan nak smbg pasal carrot kan?

selalu ada incident yang takde peluang. 

chances to talk limited sgt.

i tried too. 

kadang kadang respons hambar, 

and most of the time no response at all. 

haha. fobia rasanya nak start conversation.

maybe aku annoying. kot. 

yeah, when i put so much effort on something,

i tend to be really annoying.

that's why kalau nak tolong dia pon,

aku tak buat directly,

indirectly.

mungkin dia taktaw pon. 

tapi bagusla.

at least dia tak rasa annoyed.

ntahla.

hopefully things can still be repaired.

:)


dear kawan.
i heard your stories.
i know, that were just some of your stories.
there're more stories un-revealed.
bcos you said you have no friend to talk to.

please dont feel that way.
berkawanlah.
tak dapat kawan susah senang, dapat kawan senang pon jadilah.
at least ada kawan ;)

“Friends are the family you choose.” ― Jess C. Scott, The Other Side of Life

eh, kita kan penah share stories dulu dulu.
in fact, kita penah jadi besties.
i am sure you can find one.
real friend.
 don't be sad

kita kawan k.